CW: religious OCD, but no specifics of obsessions or compulsions
When I was about 14 I remember telling a friend that it felt like I couldn’t control my mind. These thoughts that I didn’t like would stick around, and I couldn’t do anything but give in to their demands if I wanted to get on with my life. I used to compare it to feeling like my brain was covered in a web made of hundreds of different strings, all knotted together, linked over and under in a pattern I couldn’t understand, and the only way to untangle it was to spend hours picking the knots apart. It wasn’t until I was 20 that it was suggested by a medical professional that I have OCD, and that my need to pray, confess and know for certain that what I believed was the one true religion were all symptoms; not of devotion, but of a mental illness.
The second full week of October every year is OCD awareness week. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a common, chronic, and long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts ("obsessions") and/or behaviours ("compulsions") that they feel the urge to repeat over and over to reduce anxiety caused by the obsession. It is a lifelong condition, baked into the very way that the person’s brain is wired. The symptoms and effects can be successfully managed, but when stuck in a spiral it feels like you will never get out. Despite it occurring in around 1-2% of the population many do not understand this condition and what their role could be in aiding management and acceptance for someone they know with OCD.
Understanding OCD; how it works, how it impacts people, the nuances of reassurance and treatment and distress, when to step in and help and when you have to leave it, can be complicated - but this is the most important part of supporting someone. Ask the individual what you can do to help them and follow them at their own pace. Knowing the basics of how to redirect someone’s compulsions and how OCD may be impacting them can take some pressure off when asking for support means that we are able to just ask for help instead of having to explain!
OCD attacks what we value the most, so in religious spaces it is very common for someone’s OCD to link to their faith. Religious and/or moral scrupulosity* and magical thinking themes are common for people of faith, but shame may prevent people with OCD from telling anyone about it or even realising what is going on, so you may never know if someone in your church has OCD. In light of this, it is important to be aware of how religious spaces can impact those of us with OCD.
Those in positions of religious authority often have a perceived increased level of power over those with OCD. Never dismiss or minimise someone’s difficulties, suggest they should just push through it, or imply that if their faith was stronger things would be better. At the same time don’t tread on eggshells; treat us as you would anyone else in your community. Don’t single us out, or try to avoid every possible trigger. We will end up triggered regardless, because OCD doesn’t play by the rules, and encouraging avoidance can strengthen the OCD instead of our recovery. Question us gently, get us to talk about our thought process outloud, offer counter ideas of whether God would actually do that or make us feel this way. For myself, being reminded that God probably doesn’t want me to suffer is helpful to reground myself in the knowledge that I am held by an all loving God.
Creating a safe place for doubt and questions is crucial in encouraging someone to stay in their faith community. For a while it may be necessary for them to step away, but engaging with what causes us distress is a key part of OCD treatment and in returning the power back to us. Not feeling pressured into knowing for certain every detail of faith is crucial in helping us sit in the uncertainty. OCD needs a definitive yes or no: answers that can rarely be given by anyone about most religious questions. Encourage us to express anxiety about not knowing for certain, or having thoughts that make us feel like a bad Christian in a safe place, where questions can be asked without judgement and the answer ‘I don’t know’ is frequently offered.
On a practical level there are many options. Offering advance notice of themes in sermons, even just at the start of a service or on a Powerpoint. Getting used to saying ‘I think you are seeking reassurance from me right now’ and sitting with us in the discomfort of not receiving the certainty that we feel like we need. Helping redirect us for the 15 minutes it usually takes for the intense anxiety surrounding an obsession to pass are all ways to support us.
Through therapy, medication and even the basic act of acknowledging that my brain’s webbed covering is just a gift from OCD, I spend a lot less time engaging with the tedious task of unpicking all of the knots. OCD has tried to take my faith away from me, and with it my community, peace and understanding of my place in the world. Being in a church community that was receptive to my needs and cries for help has taken a lot of power away from the OCD gremlin that lives in my brain. If you are a church leader: what could you do to help support those in your congregation with OCD? What language choices could you change, actions implemented, notices added to services? The chances are there is someone in your faith community who understands what I mean when I talk about a web of string. If that is you and you feel like you need some support please reach out to your GP or have a look on one of the links below for resources and information. I promise, you’re not a terrible person, this isn’t God testing you. God’s heart breaks at your suffering and loves you beyond measure, not in spite of your brain but because that is what God does.
RESOURCE LINKS OCD UK
For those in positions of religious authority who want to learn more this may be a good place to start: https://scrupulosity.com/to-the-spiritual-mentor-of-someone-with-religious-ocd/
*Scrupulosity is the pathological guilt and anxiety about moral issues. Although it can affect nonreligious people, it is usually related to religious beliefs. It is personally distressing, dysfunctional, and often accompanied by significant impairment in social functioning. While people with moral scrupulosity fear that their actions won't match their own sense of what's right and wrong, people with religious scrupulosity focus on ensuring their actions match their religious or faith-based beliefs.
Written by Moll. Moll is a 4th year medical student based in Keele who has been learning to live with OCD for the last decade and tries to help people understand this disorder and its effects on many. In any spare time you can find her crocheting, swimming or watching Taskmaster.