“And on this rock I shall build my church” (Matthew 16:18)
As I leave the walls of church behind me, in the ice-cold wind, I ponder. For indeed each brick found a place to belong to the next, as churches were constructed all over the land, in such abundance. Beautiful architecture of its given era. I stop. I try to breathe, strangled momentarily by the limits of my own understanding. Defined by nuances of faith, culture and language.
Each Sunday I step so easily from the belongingness of church to the other. Easier now than the time when I separated church from my outside world, never imagining that both were part of the same rock. The other defines belongingness too. Each writhe with its own divisions and disagreements. And yet, I feel there is a usurping of faith and hope, beginning to making its presence felt, from those who feel passionately about injustice, those on the outside, marginalised because of their sexuality or gender, and those hurt and angry by the church’s past actions. Jesus taught us that in His father’s house there are many places to live (John 14:2) – therefore do not be troubled. And yet I am. Belonging exists as an important discourse of our identity: who we are, where we are accepted, how we are treated. Belonging in church communities truly needs the presence of the Holy Spirit’s humility and grace to welcome difference and disagreement. So that, when we are side by side in worship or outside in the other we are no longer aliens – or foreigners but are a part of God’s household.
This is a household that extends beyond walls, to become a never ending welcome that nurtures Christ’s love in our hearts and becomes a living expression through our flesh. Not so disjointed or fragmented but cemented together. Our hearts are the door to create new rooms. Each room opens a new opportunity and possibility for hospitality and acceptance for those who are suffering, marginalised, and outsiders. It builds a thread to bind us in joy and thanksgiving.
My calling into ministry nudged me hard and profoundly a couple of years ago. Frightened and fragile I entered in. Initially thoughts raced around, challenging, ‘I didn’t belong here. I’m not even sure I fit in’. I experienced such a God given urge to read the bible and pray, yet I didn’t even own a bible. What was going on? The rector very kindly gave me a bible, and in that moment, I held the bible, I was filled with an unexplainable joy. It was like giving birth, a moment never to forget, tinged with fear and anxiety, but such joy.
And so, I read, immersed and I belonged. But the journey of belongingness doesn’t end, it too is fragile, shaped by circumstances arising both from our own communities and our own trajectory of faith. Faith can be harshly battered by behaviours and decisions and thus an opening of a questioning door threatens our very sense of belonging and hospitality to welcome others.
Where will I find Christ? Where will He dwell? The bible taught me that He has ventured His presence into every room. Even the rooms we do not enter. He sat with the marginalised and those who felt they did not belong. He brought the wisdom of the spirit to challenge a new understanding of love, hospitality and belonging. Each one of us belongs to God's household for different reasons, bringing with us such a beautiful diversity that is so much more than the architecture.
I feel distant from you today and yesterday
But I feel
A strength inside that is yours.
Therefore you remain and I belong
Teaching your ways, learning my ways,
You stand before me,
The mirror without a glass
Lovingly, so I too can begin to see
Dear Lord, I pray that when each brick that builds your church feels fragile and distant, your cornerstone will shine bright. Where its glow will help us to overcome our differences and share your home lovingly and peacefully. Where doors will always be open and welcome those who are marginalised and exist as outsiders. Where hearts of flesh will flow abundantly with expressions of your mission and belonging. Amen.
Lea is part of the Sacristy & reading team at Holy Innocents Fallowfield Manchester, discerning God;s call. She is a postgrad student researching the concept of belongingness, and working in the NHS.