TW: homophobia, religious abuse, self-harm.
The recent news regarding the death of the Living in Love and Faith (LLF) process, the announcement of no stand-alone services using Prayers of Love and Faith (PLF), and the rejection to allowing clergy to enter same-sex civil partnership made me realise how much hope I had (mis)placed in the House of Bishops. This is not the blog post to go through the legal and doctrinal technicalities of the announcement, or what the next steps in the process would or could be. Plenty of other people have done this. And plenty of these explainers focus so much on the niche syntax and inferences of decisions and announcements that they brush over the human impact.
Many are grieving a dream that they had started to believe could be a reality; having their relationship blessed and being able to enter a committed marriage with the legal protections and rights that this grants them, whilst not losing access to live out their vocation. This announcement perpetuates the harmful and downright cruel culture of the Church of England (CofE) to exclude, belittle, and forget about the LGBTQ+ people who love and serve God through her.
My partner and I used some of the PLF during a Sunday service this past year to celebrate our relationship and commitment to one another as we plan our futures. To stand at the altar, to exchange prayers and be prayed for by the vicar who was the first religious person to celebrate our relationship meant everything to us. It meant dignity and respect. It meant joyful affirmation of the love we share between one another and God. It meant full acceptance from our community who gathered. But of course, it isn’t the relationships between people that are blessed using PLF. It isn’t the love that is shared, the future plans we have or the joy each one holds in the other. No, what was blessed in our service was only us as individuals. Because our loving and faithful relationship cannot be condoned by the CofE; clearly the bishops know something about our relationship that we don’t.
This is not about due process, it is not about the Bishops desperately wanting this to happen correctly, this is not about protecting LGBTQ+ people. This is about excitedly telling us that we are finally nudging towards unconditional acceptance and then snatching it away whilst expecting us to stay. It is about the institution of the church being able to remain homophobic whilst having an excuse to stop us complaining. It is about wasting the vocations of queer people. It is about process over people. It is about reminding the queer people in the church that we are expected to be invisible and ashamed. I was an adolescent who bought ‘Gay girl, good God’ in secret and poured over it at night when I should have been asleep so I could learn how to get God to change who I was. I was a teenager who hurt themselves in the bathroom after their first date with a girl, as penance for realising that I really liked how her hand felt in mine. I am a young adult whose long term loving relationship is hidden from their parents, to protect them from ever having to think that their daughter is going to hell.
Abuse thrives in silence, and make no mistake that what the CofE is doing to her LGBTQ+ children is abuse. There are only so many times you can go back to your toxic ex before realising you deserve so much more. For me that time is rapidly approaching, for many it came and went years ago. Others will be clinging on, fighting for change from the inside. Whatever it is you choose to do in response to this announcement, please, make it loud. Shout your anger, disgust and pain. Bang your, metaphorical or literal, pots and pans. Write your sweary letters and prayers. Allow your joy in your queerness and relationships to be thunderous. Do not be silenced by those who diminish who you are. You deserve so much more than this.
Written by Mo. Mo is a life-long Anglican and a medical student who side-hustles in theology. They are unashamedly, loudly Queer and are in a long-term same-sex relationship.